T-Downs and I have been truckin' up and burnin' down these dusty trails for five years...every now and then chased by rabid hillbilly hound dogs (hence the name, Hillybilly Hill), stalked by pot-head dope farmers, and on any given night, frozen in our footsteps by the sillouette of Sasquatch. The treacherous conditions have increased due to crazy amounts of rain, so we tapped into our satellite connection to bring you the latest in geographical conditions upon our sacred mountain.
Close to 40 inches of El Nino powered droplets slammed the hillside this winter, creating several mudslides. Rumors have it, these slides have uncovered an ancient UFO that crashed into the hillside in 1823. Doug's uncle, Heimy Gonzales, was an eyewitness to the crash. It is this very spot, coincidentally, that Doug dragged his face across during his infamous wipe out at Hillybilly Hill I.
As you can see, the once friendly fire road has been transformed into a level 9 single track, offering any young buck the opportunity to snap a femur, break a rib, or crack a cockix. So, be careful, Napoleon, you have a genetic predisposition for the latter.
This picture was taken by Alan, who stood above me laughing after my heat stroke induced crash last year.
One more thing...the slides have uncovered the deadly chupacabre blood ant. These 5 inch predators will sink their fangs right through your tire, smack their chops as you wipe out, and feed upon your broken body, leaving your pathetic carcass for the turkey vultures. Rumor has it, Vic is immune to the bite due to his upbringing in the chupacabre infected Zimbawe Rainforest...once again, Vic is one of the favorites to win the race.
Well, that's it for the Hillbilly Hill Recon Report...time to start training, cause if you step foot into this arena unprepared, you'd be better off taking on a herd of crazed buffalo elephants in heat. Over and out.
3 comments:
I'm pumped up! Thanks for the Recon Report! This is my year to devour all you wimps, thanks to my new top secret training techniques, it's gonna be my comeback from the 85 debacle...(tears) If coach would a put me in, we coulda won state...but that's past history, I'm taking 1st at Hillbilly Hill 4!!!
Uncle Rico
Is that a yellow furred chupacabre crawling up photagraphers leg in the ant picture? You still have the scar from that don't you?
Ode to all you hillbilly hill racers
why do you love me?
why do you need me?
our love is like a flock of doves
floating up to heaven above
yes I love technology
but not as much as you, you see
always and forever
always and forever
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